Mom Stuff...
I've had several emails lately wondering how Mom is, and why I hardly ever mention her anymore, so I thought I would do just a little update... and it's probably a good idea for me to have a memory saver to look back at too! Because, of course, it is only in the looking back that we really see how much the changes are. Day by day they happen so slowly - most of the time - that we don 't even really realize how much more she has slipped - until we look back. So... just a few things...1. Outings are only by wheelchair anymore. I do not do BIG grocery shopping with her along because I can't manage the chair AND a cart... so if we go to the grocery store it is only to pick up a few things. I now must have her hold on to the cart to keep her from getting lost. It is amazing how fast she will find a new body to follow! And even holding on, she will see someone pass us going in the other direction and let go and off she goes! I don't even have to be out of site to be out of mind! So she pushes the cart - and I pull from the front... and thus we get things accomplished from time to time. If the cart gets too easy to pull, I know she's gone AWOL! Walmart is a bit easier - they actually have a wheelchair with a basket on it. Doesn't hold much, but enough ... most of the time.
2. Food... Her appetite has changed a lot since her first UTI. She's not eating anywhere near the quantity she used to - but still, she eats well enough. I figure her smaller appetite is directly proportionate to her activity level - which has obviously dropped off. Confusion over food though has increased greatly. I have found that it is simpler to give her just one food and one utensil at a time. This works great at breakfast and lunch - but at dinner, she needs to have the exact same food on her plate as everyone else. As a matter of fact, if she finishes her mashed potatoes (or whatever) and Dennis still has some on his plate - she starts looking at his plate verrrrry suspiciously! You can SEE her thinking "why don't I have any of that?" ... even though she did, and simply ate it all first. But she will not SAY anything... she just eyes him and his plate! But more than one food is utterly confusing to her also... and if I should serve something in a separate bowl - like applesauce - or berries and yogurt... that just wreaks havoc! Applesauce gets scooped out with a fork and deposited on her hamburger or yogurt gets spread on green beans... or sometimes milk gets poured into applesauce... well... it just doesn't work anymore. And sandwiches of any kind are totally misunderstood and simply get taken apart to eat one layer at a time. (that started happening at least a year ago - but is just commonplace now.) And we fight to get even 16 oz. of fluid into her each day... 24 takes a major miracle! She is just ALWAYS dehydrated.
3. Personal hygiene... I won't go into all the details here... but she is in pull-ups all the time now. NOT because she is "incontinent"... she still knows when she needs to use the restroom. She can still get TO the restroom. But then things go haywire. Either she gets things pulled down but then forgets to SIT on the pot... or... she forgets to pull things down and sits on the pot. Most often though ... even OUT of the restroom... we are noticing that she is forgetting HOW TO SIT. When I'm the one taking care of her, I don't find it a BIT funny... but at night, when I'm listening to Dennis fight the same battle, I just sit here and laugh!!! Of course, his battle only happens in the restroom.... which by the way is REALLY fun if you happen to be in a PUBLIC restroom! But we will discuss trying to sit down, for instance, at the dinner table. It goes something like this...
Us: Okay Mom, come on over here and sit in the purple chair.
5 minutes later she arrives at the purple chair.
Us: Okay Mom, just have a seat in the purple chair.
She looks at the purple chair suspiciously and perhaps moves it an inch or so back or to the right.
Us: Mom? Sit down in the purple chair please.
She looks at the purple chair and hikes her pants legs up to her knees. And drops them again. And hikes them again... and drops them again... by which time she's forgotten what she was trying to do...
Us: Mom? Can you sit down in the chair please? Your dinner is here. (hoping that might encourage her!)
Mom: This chair?
Us: Yes Mom. The purple chair. Sit down in the purple chair.
And then she turns herself a not quite quarter turn, and starts to lower her butt... but there is nothing beneath it to catch it and so we stop her. Then we will take her arm or should to try to guide her, but her defense mechanism kicks in and she fights it!
Us: It's okay Mom... I just want to help you sit down here, so we can eat.
Mom: I knOw how to sit down!
And this may repeat itself 2 or 3 times before she will finally figure it out and sit on her own, orrrrrrrrr occasionally, one of us may actually force her down onto the chair. I'm not strong enough, but I'm sure one of these days Dennis is just going to pick her up and deposit her in the chair!
Now... you can imagine this same scenario going on in the restroom... and no... it really is not funny... but if we don't laugh... well, what's the alternative? I AM certain that any visitor in our house would be in stitches over the antics that we go through! I'm not so sure that a stranger witnessing the same antics would not be HORRIFIED! And it is for THAT reason that I really try to avoid EVER having to take her into a PUBLIC restroom ... ever... again!
Y'all have a great day! K?
posted by Melli at
7:42 AM
13 comment(s):
I know what it is ! I have seen it with Chantal's husband. Now it's easier for her because he lays in bed and can't move except he still has enormous forces to grap her hand or whatever he can reach to pinch and hurt her !
By
Ingrid, at
9/23/2010 11:03 AM
I do feel bad for all of you, but I think it's better to laugh. Although a good cry when needed is helpful as well. I do like hearing how she (and you) are doing.
We take Jim's mom in a wheelchair now for any kind of outing other than our house. She uses a walker at her place and ours, but much more beyond that just wears her out. We had a scare during the time you were offline with her oxygen level dropping. They sent us off to the hospital for blood work and a x-ray, then called the next day to say they thought she may have a pulmonary embolism and she needed a CAT scan. All of that turned out ok -- the dr. said she had a remnants of an infection and her platelet counts were low, which caused the other problems. But the CAT scan showed a 3 mm spot and the beginnings of emphysema. She never smoked, but her husband of 54 years did, which the doctor said was nearly as bad. He said we'd just check the spot again in 6 months. So all is fine for now, but it was a reminder that she is 82 and the body is going to give out at some point. I just pray that when it's he Lord's time to take her, it is not a long drawn out painful process.
By
Anonymous, at
9/23/2010 3:23 PM
Oh my darlin' the good thing is you can have a laugh at all of this. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have to deal with this, but because the love of family you do. I applaud all of you, even though you laugh at Dennis LOL All you can really do is do what you are doing and take it a day or moment at a time and deal with the situation that is there. Always know my thoughts and aloha are with you :) MWAH
By
Anonymous, at
9/23/2010 3:25 PM
Oh, Melli, I am SO glad you can find humor in this (at least when it is not you having to deal with some of these difficulties). I'm pretty sure there is a halo hovering over your head. Philippians 4:13 immediately comes to mind, but frankly all of the letter to the Philippians, with all of those descriptions of faithfulness, apply to you.
By
Anonymous, at
9/23/2010 3:45 PM
P. S. -- I just tagged you for a meme, if you'd like to play along. :-)
By
Anonymous, at
9/23/2010 4:25 PM
I know you do not see it, but you and Dennis are doing God's work with Mom. There are not many people who could do this and with all the love, humor and concern that you give her each and every day.
Sending hugs!
By
Maribeth, at
9/23/2010 5:50 PM
Your sense of humor is your best helper, Melli. Glad you see laughter as the only alternative!!
By
MaR, at
9/23/2010 6:25 PM
Oh Melli! I am praying for you! I do agree that Philippians is written for you - joy in the midst of struggle. Your sense of humor is a God-given coping mechanism!
By
Jerralea, at
9/23/2010 9:04 PM
For your mother-in-law I thank you. It is one of the most difficult jobs you are doing. I have been praying for you and Mom.
By
bettygram, at
9/24/2010 1:05 AM
Thanks for sharing all of this. I really can't imagine how you do it.
By
Nessa, at
9/24/2010 5:00 PM
you are a good daughter (in law? in life.) and a good wife. there may be trails and tribs, but you wouldn't do all you do if you didn't love those two people...
By
tilden talks..., at
9/25/2010 12:47 AM
Melli -- you are ever in my heart and in my prayers. I know how very difficult this is for you. I have watched others struggle with Alzheimer's patience. It is a heart wrenching thing to live through.
By
Charlene Amsden, at
9/25/2010 11:54 PM
I can't begin to think of all the battles you face on a daily basis much less the heartbreak of watching her slowly slip away a little more each day. Gotcha all prayed up but will increase my commitment to you and your family.
By
Lazy Daisy, at
9/27/2010 4:42 PM
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