A New Chapter ...
Those of you who read me regularly know that this blog rarely takes a turn toward the serious side of life. There's a good reason for that. I don't like to take life too seriously! But every now and then... life gets serious. Right now, my life... and my family's lives... have just turned onto a new road. A bumpy road. And life has gotten very serious.My husband's brother, George, has been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease. Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis - ALS. I never knew much about this disease, but I've gotten a crash course in it recently and the bottom line is, it's still fatal. How long? We don't know. 50% make it 2-3 years. Some go 10 years... One guy has gone 20! George's ALS is progressing very quickly though, and we're not being lead to think long term. Naturally, Dennis is crushed. George is his only sibling, and life is not playing fair. As if that is not enough, George, who has never married, is also keeper of my mother-in-law ... who is in late stages of Alzheimers. George can't take care of her any longer.
So... what does this mean to us? Well... it means my husband is going to lose his only sibling. He is crushed about this. I mean CRUSHED! It also means that my MIL will be coming to live with us. Soon. Very soon. George will be coming too when he is no longer able to care for himself. George & Mom had just moved into George's brand new home in Pennsylvania over the summer. Mom's house is still here, and needs to be sold. (this is NOT a good time to be doing that!) It is now Dennis' responsibility to take care of that. George and Dennis will soon have to talk about what to do with George's place too. My guy has a lot on his plate right now.
And what does it mean to ME? Well... amazingly... God has been preparing ME for this. So I'm okay. (I may blog about that another day.) I AM sad, of course. I'm sad for George, and I'm sad for my Dennis... I'm sad for my kids... and I'm sad for me! I'm also sad because the room I wanted to make for Little Luz will now be given to Louise, and the other room that COULD have been Luz's will be reserved for George. I'm sad because my home that was finally clearing out from kids will now be filling up with adults, and my living room that was jussssst starting to LOOK like a living room again will become a clutter box again! (God really wants me to learn that this HOUSE is not important other than being walls to keep us safe! He's going to keep giving me this lesson until I get it right! Until I embrace it!) I'm also a weeeeeee little bit concerned because while I know this IS what God wants me to be doing, He has not provided me with one IOTA of training on how to care for the sick and the elderly... and certainly not the dieing. I guess the training is to come though.
Mostly, I think, I'm sad (and yea... I know these things are selfish and petty) because my relationship with Little Luz will not be allowed to be what I had dreamed it would be. Instead it will be what it WILL be. It will not be time that she and I share alone together. It will be time she and I spend shared with MIL. But I remind myself that Little Luz comes to me with NO expectations of what our relationship would be... and that it is only the relationship that was "in my head" that is going to suffer. The relationship that "will be" will be just fine! And in all God's glory, it may even be ENRICHED!!!
I do know that there are a LOT of lessons tied up in this chapter of my life. And they're not all lessons for me. There's enough to go around for each and every member of my family! We're all going to take something away from this... and if I know God like I think I know God ... they will all be lessons for the good!
Philippeans 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
posted by Melli at
7:21 AM
16 comment(s):
I have to say publicly that your faith journey has been ONE AMAZING thing to watch! I've loved every minute from searching for a church to finding one, to serving in one, to this point where you're going to be serving your family in a new way. I KNOW God's got blessings for each person, as you say...even more than that, I know He will give you GRACE for the JOURNEY!
Love you!
By
Susan, at
11/10/2007 12:18 PM
My heart goes out to you, Melli. That's a lot on the plate at one time. I understand perfectly what you're saying about having to adjust your hopes and plans, and I so appreciate your honesty. But I think you have your head in the right place -- trusting God for the journey and counting on His grace.
I've been going through a smaller version of the same thing in that my mil will be moving 2,000 miles in the next few months to come here -- and she doesn't want to give up what is familiar. She won't be right in our home; she'll be in an assisted living place for several reasons. She hasn't been diagnosed with Alzheimer's but she does have a degree of dementia. She's hard of hearing and even with hearing aids can't understand a lot and just wants people to talk louder, but we're yelling already. Even that --dealing with the new demands on time and attention and dealing with the problems she does have -- is daunting to me. I was just praying yesterday, "Lord, I can't do this. It's beyond me. I am really going to need your grace." I know He will provide it -- it's in our weakness His strength is seen. I know people have and will go through so much more, even as you will be. But if I think about it too much I am scared to death. I'm trying to keep my focus on His will and power and wisdom and grace.
By
Anonymous, at
11/10/2007 12:42 PM
So sorry to read about this. You and your family are in my thoughts & prayers! You are a strong woman & God will give you the strength to get through this! {{HUGS}}
Jennifer
By
Jennifer, at
11/10/2007 1:24 PM
Melli -- I have no doubt you will do this as you have done everything in life -- with grace and courage and humor. Not only will your own life be enriched, but you will enrich George and Louise's life as well. You picked the perfect Bible verse. I'd suggest finding some way to display it where you can see it every day. My prayers are with you and your family.
By
Anonymous, at
11/10/2007 3:35 PM
The only way and i mean the ONLY WAY that you and your family are going to get through this is with the help of God. Whether the rest of your family believes that or not!! I am sad for you because i know..you have your heart set on something and then plans just change in mid-air!! You will be fine I am sure. Taking care of MIL I believe will be the hardest for you. I know it would be for me...BUT without her you would never had met or been a wife to Dennis.
Only Through prayer and trusting in God...
Sandy
By
Ramblins of a middle-aged goddess, at
11/10/2007 4:14 PM
Melli, I know you well enough to know that you are handling this all with prayer and study. All the trials of the past few months have been preparing you for this in some way or another...and I have no doubts at all but that you will come through on the other side stronger, wiser, and an inspiration to those around you. You already inspire me every day....I love you (((HUGS)))!
By
Jennifer, at
11/10/2007 6:32 PM
It's so interesting to see God work in our lives. Yes, you'll have to cope with the loses, and the drains on your time, and the pain of watching your husband suffer through his loses, and your pain of readjusted plans and dreams. That's a lot. But I can tell from just reading the two or three times I've wandered over here, that you are a strong woman of faith. Your faith will serve you well. Even when you feel as though every drop of strength that you have is gone, God will show up in a miraculous, maybe even seemingly insignificant way and provide for your needs. It's on those days that you will really grow.
My husband nursed his mother through ALS more than 40 years ago. It has made him the marvelous human being he is today -- though not without pain.
I'll be praying for you. As you well know, together you and God can handle anything.
By
PJ, at
11/10/2007 8:25 PM
It will work out ok Melli, I promise. In fact, it may not turn out like you expect or just written. The Good Lord knows how much you can carry and although your heart is huge, He won't let it get squished. I will pray for you.
By
Margaret, at
11/10/2007 8:55 PM
Good morning Melli,I wish that I was there to give you a big "hug"......
You have a heart of gold and plenty of love and compassion to give to others.Think of our homeless family we helped ... the joy and peace of mind it provided..You will be strong and will surprise yourself with the woman you will become from God's love and from our love ; plus the love from Dennis..Take care my friend...
Love ya, Baba
By
Baba, at
11/11/2007 6:53 AM
Melli, I'm very sorry to hear about this sad news in the family. It must be very difficult for everyone to learn that someone dear to you is going to be taken away by such a disease. May God bless all of you during this trying times.
By
Heart of Rachel, at
11/11/2007 7:42 AM
I am sorry my time runs out to read everything.
Of course here we have a crazy time We had a nice Egyptian musical yesterday evening.
By
Ingrid, at
11/11/2007 10:44 AM
It does sounds like a tough deal, but as always - it's not more tough than we MAKE IT too. It's all about attitude of course. It's always better to think positive - and then it will be more positive outcome of it. I'm sure you'll be ready for it. You have so much compassion in you and that's what's count :-)
And the lil' Luz aspect: maybe it's gonna be a hoot both for her and the MIL, they both can learn so much from each other and maybe lil' Luz will be perfect company for MIL. I've always thought that it's too bad that the elderly and the youngsters are kept so separated, I think they can cheer up each other a lot.
My Mom have a vascular dementia from earlier blood clots and she is always very happy when kids come to visit, she gets much better then. We're very sorry to not be able to take care of her at home, because she need 24/7 care and special health care and lift arrangements etc. It was a hard decision, but at least she get most visits of all the people at the home :-)
One thing that we've noticed is that music and singing (even if they can't really sing along) is a very good therapy. So simple and working so well. Mr L is playing the piano there once a week for the others too. They are so grateful. Their best day of the week.
By
Anonymous, at
11/11/2007 1:13 PM
Oh, Aunti M! I'm so sorry. BIG HUGS to Uncle Dennis, please. And for you too, as you'll be busy. But things happen for a reason, and your home has just emptied... obviously God had a plan! Amazing isn't it, how hindsight brings 20/20? My heart and thoughts and prayers are with Dennis' family and yours.
Love you all!
By
Unknown, at
11/11/2007 9:01 PM
I am so sorry about the news...it isn't easy at all and I admire your positive attitude. You have faith and that's such a strong tool in the garden of life. You'll do fine and with smile on your face, I am sure.
((hugs))
By
MaR, at
11/12/2007 7:41 AM
{{hugs}} I so admire your faith and I know it will only grow stronger as you face these challenges. Please stop by Tammy's blog, she has ALS and is such an inspiration: http://mylifeasawarrior.blogspot.com/
By
Gill, at
11/12/2007 8:54 AM
My heart goes out to you in this journey. ALS is very hard to go through....I mean to see a loved one go through that. My mom passed away last year and she had Alzheimer's. She was in the late stages, but she was in a special home. There came a point in time where she had to be moved there from home. Sending blessings to you and your family.
By
bichonpawz, at
11/12/2007 2:49 PM
Post a comment
<< Home